Good old American know-how at its best!
Yesterday the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) and Quicken Loans announced a 5-year, $453 million dollar agreement wherein JSOC will use Predator drones to track down rogue vehicles whose owners are behind on their car payments.
It’s a marriage made in heaven. For the last decade, JSOC’s track record of global drone assassinations has been the envy of terrorists everywhere. Their deadly strikes avoid the messy need of declaring war in the affected areas, or burdening Americans with any information at all. As we say in the U.S., leave your killing to JSOC and rest easy!
And now JSOC is teaming up with Quicken Loans to take out criminals in the homeland!
Quicken Loans, America’s most trusted provider of affordable home loans, recently added car loans to its product line. Committed to providing real options for Americans facing financial difficulties, Quicken offers car loans to those with good credit, bad credit, or even no credit. That’s a reflection of Quicken’s powerful dedication to cash-strapped Americans.
Until that is, a customer is late on his payments. Then — with its new partnership with JSOC — there will be hell to pay.
Quicken’s partnership with JSOC immediately enhances its asset recovery operations, with JSOC Predator drones able to loiter over poor urban areas for up to 20 hours to find and surveil targeted automobiles. But more impressive, its drones are equipped with the much-touted Hellfire-Mini, a more compact variant of the Hellfire missile, that brings a laser-guided, pinpoint accuracy to the problem, eliminating the driver completely (and his poor financial decisions) while leaving the vehicle absolutely unscathed.
News of this innovative improvement boosted Quicken Loan’s share price by 23% at close on Wednesday.